Through the Galaxy
by Liz Meyer
Goodnight, I love you…
Ditto Hun. Talk to ya tomorrow.
This is the nightly ritual. I can’t fall asleep until I get that call from him, and he never lets me down.
Heaviness falls upon my eyes as I fight to keep them open for just a little bit longer…
She always waits up for me no matter how late I’m working. Her voice calms my body even if that’s all we have to hold onto right now.
Just a voice…but it’s a sound that, just for a moment, can transcend my thoughts into fooling my body of the distance between us.
My limbs fall deeply into the full, warm hug of my bedding. Allowing my current thoughts to surrender to my subconscious.
Finally I can…
I know she’s completely knocked out already. I could sense her weariness from the day through her last few words to me before our goodbyes. Time to hit the shower and K.O. myself. Maybe she’ll visit me tonight as she has before. Ha. Almost makes me look forward to sleeping.
Damn. How the hell did I get so cheesy?!
But of course, I already know the answer to that.
Suddenly, I am weightless and without a care in the world. No longer feeling that nagging tug of anxiety over everything that I have to accomplish for the day (or didn’t for that matter). No living up to any expectations, deadlines, or bullshit rules.
Falling deeper into my own freedom from myself.
Spiraling down towards the abyss that’s held beneath my physical exterior.
Ahhh man…What. A. Day.
This is always the most difficult time. I’m left to only my thoughts… Which I have to admit, tend to wander… It’s just impossible not to let them when the last thing I hear every night is her voice telling me how much she misses me. And I do miss her too. In so many ways.
But right now, it’s the physical. Her legs should be slung over my own, arm across me, and head upon my chest. Feeling the warmth of her slow, rhythmic breathing brush across my neck, sending the hair on my arms to raise, along with my…
There I go again. It’s actually annoying now.
I just need to fall asleep already. Be one sleep closer to her touch.
There are no words for the still calmness that has washed over my soul.
I feel it cleansing me. My thoughts, spirit, and strained muscles, becoming rejuvenated at last.
Swaying further down into the darkness. This darkness is not intimidating to me, but instead welcomed. As if I’m floating, lost amongst the infinite of a universe created by my own being.
This is the ultimate state of my self presence, yet there’s absolutely nothing tangible about it.
All that I was has been reduced to stardust.
Floating amongst my own subconscious galaxy…
The night has finally pulled me under its cloak allowing me to rest. From afar, I can see the black hole, and know I am quickly approaching it. I find myself waiting to be consumed and see where it will lead me to.
Navigating my way through all the random images and emotions that have been associated with them.
Meanwhile, my body is tossing back and forth tangling the sheets around my feet.
Then I feel it.
The sudden and total loss of control within myself.
I am being swallowed in my entirety, and spit out on whatever path I am meant to travel tonight.
The sensation of knowing everything and nothing all at once. This sort of immobilizing free fall, through the depths of my fluidity.
I think that’s..
I’m overcome in a surge of warmth and look further, but his image is wavy and inconsistent as though I am seeing only through a mirage.
But I don’t need my sight to know who it is.
When I open my lips to speak these words I am suffocated and know that the weight of my abyss has drowned the words to nothing…
He carries on.
Completely unfazed or touched by my words.
I feel a sudden pressure in my chest, my throat seems to constrict, and an urgency hits within every fiber of my being.
I NEED him to be aware of me.
This time I scream out to him, but the desperation within me still goes unheard and is silenced.
Now it doesn’t even matter what it is that I say.
I scream at the top of my lungs, shout out profanities, stomp my feet, and feverishly wave my arms about.
Nothing works though… There’s no sound to my voice in this dimension.
He doesn’t see me.
There’s an odd comfort in being here.
Completely alone. But yet, without the feeling of being lonesome.
All around me, I’m surround by technicolors so vibrant and foreign. I believe that these must be the many different forces at play within the universe of which there has yet to be any sort of explanation for.
I turn around in awe.
Far off, I see the most blinding light of them all. Shimmering so fiercely it’s almost as if it is calling out to me.
There are no words for its beauty…
Somehow I know, that light is where I belong.